The Refined Man, Much More Than Mere Manners

The concept of the “gentleman” (an abused title if ever there was one) which nowadays I refer to as the Refined or Well-bred Man, has always fascinated me. I am conservative by nature; I believe that there are things in life worth saving and it is my purpose to do so. Reform is sometimes necessary, but only when it is beneficial to such traditions and institutions as are worth preserving.

One such tradition is that of the Refined Man¹: the man who is governed by a code of conduct which requires him to live an upright life, which calls on him to be self-possessed and to cultivate in his character whatever is admirable and mature; the man whose life, as far as is humanly possible, is known for its moral rectitude. Descriptions of him are numerous: he is honourable and loyal, compassionate and genuine, generous and kind, righteous and courageous, dependable and dignified, possessing every attribute of an excellent, beautiful character.

Yet how can one attain so high a standard? Where to begin to cultivate these fine qualities? As with all ambitions, it must begin with an intense desire from which must naturally flow the necessary motivation to achieve the objective. Daily application and devotion to the course one has taken will ensure success. Slowly but surely a change will be effected, each triumph will inspire further improvement, each disappointment become a reminder of what needs further attention ― there is not the fatalist’s acquiescence of personal flaws, neither are such flaws foolishly glorified; there is only the rapt determination to overcome weakness in a resolute quest for self-mastery. It is this determination which ultimately establishes a true level of refinement, which is primarily internal (deportment is the secondary, external expression on which countless volumes have been written, most of which willfully fail to stress the necessity of an inner standard).

Life will inevitably expose those of weak and superficial character; no matter how witty or charming, dapper or groomed, while they may well enjoy a brief period of popularity and success (which is probably all they desire), they will ultimately be despised (and by none more than themselves). May we not be counted amongst them. May we be the happy Snobs who live with integrity, steadfast in our convictions, consistent from day-to-day, with the courage to face our flaws and improve upon them. Let us be internally sound, let us have moral courage, let us live our lives in harmony with conscience; let us be an asset to society as well as civilisation.


¹ I am not referring to the breed put forward in the media: James Bond, as an immediate example, whether within Mr Fleming’s novels or on the silver screen, certainly does not qualify.